In a high run German newspaper there was some advice recently about how to properly handle an affair. How can man keep an affair with a lady without any commitment? As a mere sex partner without investing a lot of time in other activities or having to pretend any kind of relationship.
The most important advice in a nutshell (we don´t provide the link to the newspaper article because it is in German and we assume that you don´t talk German because you are in our English blog section. But if you do: Here is the German blog post).
- Clear statements. Make clear to your woman that you like her but currently are not looking for anything serious.
- Keep it light. Propose meetings not more than 24 hours in advance. The communication between the meetings should be very short and sporadic. After both sides had their fun, leave promptly again. No romance, no wrong expectations.
- No public. Brunching together or having Barbecue with friends are a no-go. Generally avoid anything that can be interpreted as a couple activity.
- Be charming. Yes, also affairs want to be provided with good compliments. And if she chuckles “slimer” and playfully punches your stomach you are doing well.
If you violate these rules you will either lose your affair really quick (no catatrophy, here our phone number in case you forgot: 0 0 4 9 1 7 3 9 7 3 3 7 1 3). Or – often without you even noticing it – you develop liabilities over time and suddenly find yourself in a relationship that will cost you a lot of time and nerves to handle.
In fact, usually each affair goes into one of the two variants finally. Women are creatures of relationship. If a woman sees enough potential in a man she will almost inevitably try to trap him and become exclusive. This happens on a subconscious level. Early signs that you are too much on the serious side:
- a few minutes too much of cuddling
- the desire to stay a bit longer than usually
- a nightly call because she stands alone at the station and didn´t find a cab
- she asks you to meet for a coffe real quick because she needs your opinion about XYZ
And slowly, without you suspecting anything (we men are quite dumb with these things usually), the nice little affair begins to develop into something serious. The time you recognize this it is often too late. The end usually brings all kind of drama. Exactly this stuff, what we wanted to avoid in the first place…
If on the other hand you behave too cold and distant, it is usually not well received and the girl will be gone real quick. It is really hard to find the balance, the sweet spot where everything works in your favour.
Of course it does not have to go that way. There are women who are happy to find a man with whom they can spend just some fun hours without obligation. Or the man suddenly wants more. Anyway there is great danger of hurting the delicate balance. Whether you go to much to the left or to the right of the road – it does not really matter when you fall down anyway…
Some escort clients state that they meet escorts “because I don´t look like Adonis”. An honest self-reflection, but it fails to recognize: Also very attractive men meet escorts. Because they know how much time, stress and often money an affair can cost.
Besides: What if you want to do exactly those things that you better avoid in an affair: have some good meal first, be a bit romantic, talking about private things, cuddling extensively?
An affair in order to work always brings a set of rules. And rules usually mean: Lack of freedom.
Thus there is good reason escort agencies exist. Even for those men who have always been very successful with women.
Did you notice that we haven´t talked about a very important point: Your relationship status? According to wikipedia „A romantic affair, also called an affair of the heart, may refer to sexual liaisons among unwed or wedded parties, or to various forms of nonmonogamy.“
In a future article we will talk about the pros and cons of affair and Escort – for men in a relationship who are looking for some new impulses.